I had to put it out there that it's SNOWING in New Jersey today, October 28...3 days before Halloween...it's SNOWING! What the??!! This was the one time that I allowed my kids to FREAK out and run to the window when they saw it because I wanted to freak out and run to the window too!! Insanity!
Kiera's first snow :) And I'm not with her to see it...sigh.
Melissa
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Cranky McCrankerson
It's funny because my friend Jess just wrote a blog about her crankstar and I was in the middle of thinking up this one!
Kiera is on solids now three times a day and loves them :) However, about every 7-10 days she gets constipated and freaks out. It breaks my heart!! You can tell that she's in pain and I hate that!! I just want to go in that little body and push it all out myself...lol...
So this morning she woke up at 4:30am screaming...never happens...normally when she wakes up at any time she's all smiles and giggles. She will usually play with her blanket for a good 20 minutes before I get up and get her...but this morning it was all screams and I ran in to get her to find her trying to push push push the tiniest bit on nonsense out of her person. We brought her into bed with us after a nice diaper change and she grabbed her blanket, thumb, and a small bottle and fell asleep again. Phew! But so sad.
I spoke to Nicole just a moment ago and, of course, Kiera is an angel...she's leaving all the Fussy McFusserson for Mommy :)
I've been finding that, besides the constipation fun, she's becoming more and more opinionated. She knows what she wants...and it's usually something we don't want her to have like the remote or the phone...or a can of Coors Light...and she gets very upset when her wants aren't met immediately. She's also started to look for things that we hide after she wants them...that's too much! We have a mirror above our couch and, because I am the corniest person alive, when I lift her up to see in it I say, "Kiera in the Mirra"...stop judging me! And when you hold her on your lap below the mirror and say it, she'll LOOK UP!! It's so bizarre that she could know that already...and she's getting the lifting of arms when you say "so big!" I can't stand that she's growing up so fast!!
Just some randomness for today :)
Melissa
Kiera is on solids now three times a day and loves them :) However, about every 7-10 days she gets constipated and freaks out. It breaks my heart!! You can tell that she's in pain and I hate that!! I just want to go in that little body and push it all out myself...lol...
So this morning she woke up at 4:30am screaming...never happens...normally when she wakes up at any time she's all smiles and giggles. She will usually play with her blanket for a good 20 minutes before I get up and get her...but this morning it was all screams and I ran in to get her to find her trying to push push push the tiniest bit on nonsense out of her person. We brought her into bed with us after a nice diaper change and she grabbed her blanket, thumb, and a small bottle and fell asleep again. Phew! But so sad.
I spoke to Nicole just a moment ago and, of course, Kiera is an angel...she's leaving all the Fussy McFusserson for Mommy :)
I've been finding that, besides the constipation fun, she's becoming more and more opinionated. She knows what she wants...and it's usually something we don't want her to have like the remote or the phone...or a can of Coors Light...and she gets very upset when her wants aren't met immediately. She's also started to look for things that we hide after she wants them...that's too much! We have a mirror above our couch and, because I am the corniest person alive, when I lift her up to see in it I say, "Kiera in the Mirra"...stop judging me! And when you hold her on your lap below the mirror and say it, she'll LOOK UP!! It's so bizarre that she could know that already...and she's getting the lifting of arms when you say "so big!" I can't stand that she's growing up so fast!!
Just some randomness for today :)
Melissa
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Thoughtful Thursday
I wanted to copy some song lyrics for you that I was listening to in the car yesterday on the way home from work. It's called, "Rain" by Patty Griffin and I love it. I can find meaning in so many songs...and this is one of them. I listened to Patty Griffin when I was giving birth because she's so calming and wonderful. If you get a chance, give her a listen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFbjE7NFmUI
For the Video
"Rain"
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don't wanna beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain
I also wanted to share a picture with you from this morning before I went to work because I put the sheet on the couch to not get dog hair on me...this did not work so well :) Oh Well!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFbjE7NFmUI
For the Video
"Rain"
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don't wanna beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain
I also wanted to share a picture with you from this morning before I went to work because I put the sheet on the couch to not get dog hair on me...this did not work so well :) Oh Well!!
Melissa
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Today's about me...
I thought that because Letitia chose to tell her story, today I would give you a look into mine.
I was born on February 9, 1978 in the Bronx. My birth mother didn't want to keep me, she was only 18, so she gave me up for adoption and on May 16 I was taken home by my parents, Rita and Tony. I had the most amazing childhood and ironically my WORST fear in the world was that my mother would die. I remember when I was young, probably 8 or 9, I was watching her get ready in the bathroom and I asked her that if she died, could she please write me a letter to let me know that she was alright...that letter never came by the way...
In February of my 9th grade year, my mom developed a rash on her breast. The doctor in his ultimate wisdom prescribed her cream for it. It wasn't until a few months later, when the rash never went away, that they did a biopsy and discovered that she had a viral form of breast cancer. So, in for surgery she went and I couldn't bring myself to visit her in the hospital. I truly didn't want to believe that it was as serious as it was and I think I was scared shitless and was a stupid teenager...etc. etc. etc. Anyway, she had her breast removed and had chemo treatments that made her SO very sick and then radiation treatments that made her SO very tired. It was a very hard couple of years.
Then she went into remission...ah, good old remission...we even took a family trip to Disney World when I was 16. Then on July 4, 1995 she had a stomach ache, went to the doctor and discovered that the cancer had traveled to her liver...the worst place that it could find...so, she went back on chemo and at Christmas break she went for a check-up and they told her that it was looking great! Phew.
However, on January 8 she got a headache that just wouldn't quit. I told her to take some Tylenol...again, stupid teenager...On January 17 she went to have it checked out fully and they admitted her into the hospital right then. They found several small brain tumors along the base of her brain, took her off chemo for the liver, put her on radiation for the brain, and she turned yellow. You see, this cancer was out to get her no matter what because Chemo doesn't travel to your brain so the cancer found the ONE place that it could live...nice right?! But then when they took her off the chemo, her liver went bad again and the cancer spread like wildfire.
Every day the diagnosis changed, she'd be coming home; she'd be coming home, but needed to be driven to work; she'd be coming home, but couldn't work; she had 3 months to live; she had 1 month to live; they had no idea what was going on; she would die before the weekend.
On the morning of Thursday, February 1 I brought in pictures of our dog for her...I really wanted to bring her to the hospital...and I asked my mom if she knew who she was and she said, "of course I do, it's Smokey." Then she had a stroke and was put on tubes and never spoke again. My father and I had already decided on a DNR so it was a waiting game. My Aunt Noel told me to say my last goodbyes, which I screamed and cried at my mother because I couldn't do anything else.
That night, as my uncles and father chatted and as I "dozed" off in the chair, I could hear her breathing slow and begin to stop. I couldn't believe that they didn't hear it too! We all got up, gathered around her and she passed away. It was the worst day of my entire life, but on the drive home with my dad, we laughed. How one does that? I don't know.
Anyway, I was 17 and turned 18 eight days later. She's been gone now for almost 13 years, which is getting dangerously close to almost as long as I was with her. I keep thinking that in 4 more years, my life will reset...it will be interesting to see.
So that's the story of my mom's passing. My Aunt Noel always says, "why did they take her, God didn't need another angel." But maybe Kiera did....who knows. I just hope she always knows how much we're all thinking of her and love her....Kiera Rita is awake...so I leave it with that for today.
Melissa
I was born on February 9, 1978 in the Bronx. My birth mother didn't want to keep me, she was only 18, so she gave me up for adoption and on May 16 I was taken home by my parents, Rita and Tony. I had the most amazing childhood and ironically my WORST fear in the world was that my mother would die. I remember when I was young, probably 8 or 9, I was watching her get ready in the bathroom and I asked her that if she died, could she please write me a letter to let me know that she was alright...that letter never came by the way...
In February of my 9th grade year, my mom developed a rash on her breast. The doctor in his ultimate wisdom prescribed her cream for it. It wasn't until a few months later, when the rash never went away, that they did a biopsy and discovered that she had a viral form of breast cancer. So, in for surgery she went and I couldn't bring myself to visit her in the hospital. I truly didn't want to believe that it was as serious as it was and I think I was scared shitless and was a stupid teenager...etc. etc. etc. Anyway, she had her breast removed and had chemo treatments that made her SO very sick and then radiation treatments that made her SO very tired. It was a very hard couple of years.
Then she went into remission...ah, good old remission...we even took a family trip to Disney World when I was 16. Then on July 4, 1995 she had a stomach ache, went to the doctor and discovered that the cancer had traveled to her liver...the worst place that it could find...so, she went back on chemo and at Christmas break she went for a check-up and they told her that it was looking great! Phew.
However, on January 8 she got a headache that just wouldn't quit. I told her to take some Tylenol...again, stupid teenager...On January 17 she went to have it checked out fully and they admitted her into the hospital right then. They found several small brain tumors along the base of her brain, took her off chemo for the liver, put her on radiation for the brain, and she turned yellow. You see, this cancer was out to get her no matter what because Chemo doesn't travel to your brain so the cancer found the ONE place that it could live...nice right?! But then when they took her off the chemo, her liver went bad again and the cancer spread like wildfire.
Every day the diagnosis changed, she'd be coming home; she'd be coming home, but needed to be driven to work; she'd be coming home, but couldn't work; she had 3 months to live; she had 1 month to live; they had no idea what was going on; she would die before the weekend.
On the morning of Thursday, February 1 I brought in pictures of our dog for her...I really wanted to bring her to the hospital...and I asked my mom if she knew who she was and she said, "of course I do, it's Smokey." Then she had a stroke and was put on tubes and never spoke again. My father and I had already decided on a DNR so it was a waiting game. My Aunt Noel told me to say my last goodbyes, which I screamed and cried at my mother because I couldn't do anything else.
That night, as my uncles and father chatted and as I "dozed" off in the chair, I could hear her breathing slow and begin to stop. I couldn't believe that they didn't hear it too! We all got up, gathered around her and she passed away. It was the worst day of my entire life, but on the drive home with my dad, we laughed. How one does that? I don't know.
Anyway, I was 17 and turned 18 eight days later. She's been gone now for almost 13 years, which is getting dangerously close to almost as long as I was with her. I keep thinking that in 4 more years, my life will reset...it will be interesting to see.
So that's the story of my mom's passing. My Aunt Noel always says, "why did they take her, God didn't need another angel." But maybe Kiera did....who knows. I just hope she always knows how much we're all thinking of her and love her....Kiera Rita is awake...so I leave it with that for today.
Melissa
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Kiera is 6 Months Old Today!
Kiera turned 6 months old today! It's amazing to see her transforming into this tiny person who has likes and dislikes, wants and definitely doesn't wants :) For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom and because I'm adopted, I've always had a strong desire to adopt a child who isn't wanted...but in the same breath I wanted to have my own baby too because I wanted someone to look like me...selfish. Fine. From the second Kiera was born I've heard, "I'm sorry Melissa, she really looks like Sean." Sigh. I know that I'm probably looking for similarities, but she really is starting to look a bit like me. Here are pictures of both of us at 6 months...thoughts?
I know for sure that she has Sean's ears and hair color, but there are most certainly features that say "Mom", yes? Neurotic.
I know for sure that she has Sean's ears and hair color, but there are most certainly features that say "Mom", yes? Neurotic. I've also been having some bad my Mom days. I was sitting in Kiera's room looking at her while Sean rocked her the other night and began to tear up thinking about how my mom must have felt when I was a baby. That overwhelming, losing your breath, can't believe that this being is yours feeling. And then I thought about how she must have felt when she knew she was going to leave me. It's my absolute, 100% worst fear...and I know the other girls can agree. How does a mom ever leave her child? And knowing what I know about how incredibly hard it was to be without her and not have her for so many important events in my life makes that fear even worse. I wonder what it's like for people who have their moms and don't have to think about life without them yet.
I will say it fast again...I can't wait to see what it's like to have a daughter in her 20s. I never got to experience that with my mom. I never got to appreciate going to the spa or out to dinner or a weekend away with her. I was a lousy teenager when she died who didn't want to admit that she was going to die and therefore didn't always treat her with the endless love that I felt for her. It makes me sick to my stomach to have these thoughts...but now I'm hoping to make up for that with my daughter.
When Kiera was first born I would lie in bed with her and cry on her head making endless promises about being there for her forever, being there for her high school prom, graduation, first day at college, last day at college, college graduation, her first real love, her first real job, her wedding, her first house, her children....etc. All of those things, my mother missed. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that she ever even exsisted. She would have been the most amazing grandmother...a mush like me, I'm sure! I don't think I'd ever get her out of New Jersey!! It's so sad to think that she'll never get to hold her grandchild, give her kisses or spoil her stupid. So sad. So sad. So sad.
Anyway, enough crying for today. I must be happy in knowing that she's up there somewhere, looking down and smiling at our baby girl...who is a half a year old already!!! By the time I know it I will be at her high school graduation!! But there's plenty of time for that :) 
Kiera and GrandmaAngel together...today.
Melissa
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Fall
Fall is my absolute favorite season of the year. I remember when I was young and lived in NY, my parents and I would rake up all the leaves and I would run down the hill in our front yard and leap into them. I love going and picking out a pumpkin, going apple picking (my friend got engaged while apple picking...I'm so jealous :) and drinking warm apple cider with cinnamon.
Now this year I have the privilege of doing this with my daughter! I wish so much that my mom was here to do this with us, but I know that she'll be looking down on us, smiling, and knowing that I am celebrating my favorite time of the year with her granddaughter. I really don't want to wish Kiera's life away...but it's so hard to not say..."I can't wait..." so I will say it fast...I can't wait until Kiera is old enough to understand the fall and get excited to get her pumpkin, go on hayrides, as well as haunted hayrides, pick her own apples, and jump in leaves. I hope that she enjoys these things as much as I do!
In other "October" news, I bought Kiera her first Halloween costume today...my favorite holiday...and she will be...a strawberry!! I cannot wait to see her in her costume. She'll be going to Roman's school during the day for his parade and party and then we're all going over to Nicole's to go trick-or-treating. I'm very excited about it!
Melissa
Now this year I have the privilege of doing this with my daughter! I wish so much that my mom was here to do this with us, but I know that she'll be looking down on us, smiling, and knowing that I am celebrating my favorite time of the year with her granddaughter. I really don't want to wish Kiera's life away...but it's so hard to not say..."I can't wait..." so I will say it fast...I can't wait until Kiera is old enough to understand the fall and get excited to get her pumpkin, go on hayrides, as well as haunted hayrides, pick her own apples, and jump in leaves. I hope that she enjoys these things as much as I do!
In other "October" news, I bought Kiera her first Halloween costume today...my favorite holiday...and she will be...a strawberry!! I cannot wait to see her in her costume. She'll be going to Roman's school during the day for his parade and party and then we're all going over to Nicole's to go trick-or-treating. I'm very excited about it!
Melissa
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Renault Winery
On Sunday, October 5, the girls and our families went to the Renault winery for a Grapestomping Festival...and to drink wine all day while lying about on the grass :) It was also the 2nd Anniversary of Lozelle's mom's death...so we toasted to her while wine tasting...quite appropriate. We love you Lozelle and know that your mom was with us enjoying all our fun that day! http://www.renaultwinery.com/
Melissa
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