Five Months Old...&...Almost Two and a Half!

Well, it's been almost a month since I wrote last and I can't believe that it's been that long! Time is flying by so quickly that I can hardly stand it.

Caitlin Maria is FIVE months old already. She's a ray of sunshine that we never could have prepared ourselves for. Last year at this time I was so sick with morning sickness, overwhelmed by the prospect of being a mommy of two and saddened that Kiera would have to share our attention. Now, today, we could not imagine life without her...she's just amazing! It's most definitely like she's always been here.

Having a five month old alongside a vivacious two and a half year old is such a breath of fresh air. She's the calm and Kiera's the storm...in a good way :) Cate loves to chill out on our laps, watch everything that's going on, talk, put her feet in her mouth (and anything else she can get her cute little hands on), laugh, suck her (right) thumb (Kiera sucks her left), and is just generally THE best baby! She looks so snuggly in her PJs and just adorable in her Kitty-Cat hat courtesy of Aunt Mimi :) She has this scream that is too much for any of us to handle. It's AWESOME. She's currently eating baby food and loving every minute of it. She's taken to the bottle like a pro...thank goodness because stopping breastfeeding was hard for me with Kiera and even harder now with Cate knowing that it's my last time. We want Cate to stay this small and innocent forever...just thinking that she'll be as big as Kiera is now in two short years blows our minds. We love it when she falls asleep on our chests, puts her tiny hand on ours, and runs her hand along our cheeks. *sigh*

In September we had her welcoming day alongside friends and family from all over. We had made the decision with Kiera that we're not religious enough to have our children formally baptized, so we chose this instead. Our very good friend, Molly, is a very spiritual person and respects all aspects of religions and spirituality. We therefore chose her as our guide through this and we were honored to have her do both "blessings" where we welcomed our girls to the family. My sister Michelle and Sean's brother Jason are Cate's "God" parents...with that we simply have given them the role of being there for our daughter, to guide her along a positive path and to simply be the people she can go to if ever she needs. I have some negative people in my life right now who have expressed their opposing feelings to this and to that I say, to each their own. We've chosen this path, their "God" parents have accepted and our girls will be raised with amazing people surrounding them to lead them down the proper roads in life. I feel really great about our decision and I know that Sean does too. We've done what's right for our family and the people who love us and our girls are coming along for the ride...and all we know is that those who love them will always love them...no matter what! We feel so overwhelmingly blessed with our family of four, our biological family that's here for us no matter what and loves us unconditionally, and our "logical" family as Molly puts it-those we choose as our family and who have stepped up to the plate more than we could have ever hoped for...we couldn't be any happier!

Moving on to our Kiera Rita...she's a PISTOL and we LOVE it!!! The things that she says, does, understands...it's just amazing. She's so talkative and says THE funniest things. She sings all the time and demands certain songs on a daily basis. Everything is hers...the sky, the moon, every single toy in the house...etc. Everything is her "Favorite!" and she gets SO excited about it. She can count to 28 which blows our mind. She loves to play with other kids...especially her cousins Nicholas, Andrew and Jason who she calls, "my boys". She's surrounded by insanity and takes it all in stride. She currently loves to play tea party and insists on real tea in her cups or she gets quite angry. She will only wear certain shoes and anything else is unacceptable. We've gone from one lamby to THREE! My fault, fine. And her hair is getting SO long and I refuse to cut it :)

I'm having SUCH a problem uploading pictures to Facebook to share with our friends and family, so please forgive me...I'm quite far behind...plus, with being back to work I hardly have time to be on the computer at home so I don't get as much accomplished on there as I'd like. Things are hectic and wonderful and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Sunday Nights

There are very few nights in my life growing up that hold stronger memories in my mind like Sunday nights. Not only of course because I was always sad to see the weekend go, but because I can clearly recall how the light looked in my parents' bedroom, the sound of my mom's laughter while watching "America's Funniest Home Videos", and the feel of her nails as she scratched my back ever so lightly while I laid on my dad's side of the bed watching her little TV along side her.

Those are the moments that I miss with such fierceness that it hurts. Those simple times when everything was OK. When you never thought your world would be turned upside down before your eyes. When you had your mommy and never in a million years thought that you would lose her and her finger nails running down your back so soon.

I wish she were here to do this with our girls....two hands, two backs.

I only hope that I can make those memories with our girls...even if I die when I'm 101 and they're in their 70s...I want them to always remember Sunday nights.

We're Rolling On...

We're in the third week of school and things couldn't be moving more smoothly...now that I've said that the world may explode, but we'll knock on some wood and be ok :)

The girls are so happy with Jaime and that couldn't make us any happier. Cate has taken to the bottle with ease (thank GOD!) and Kiera plays, does crafts, goes to the library, and sleeps like a champ when she's there. We were SO lucky to find her and are incredibly grateful that our girls are somewhere where they're taken care of as though they were home.

Being back at work has been good as well...even though I miss them with all my heart, I do appreciate the balance of things and enjoy having some adult time...or time to sit and type a blog during my half an hour lunch break. My class is delightful and seem to have it together for the most part, which really helps. I absolutely LOVE teaching...if I didn't I really wasted something like eight years in college for this! It brings me such joy and I'm so glad that I have the opportunity to be both a Mom and a Teacher. Is it hectic? Are there some mornings when I just want to lounge around with the girls in our PJs all day? Certainly. But this gives me a really flexible schedule to be able to do both throughout the year.

Sean's schedule is slowing down too as the fall approaches, which is great. There's nothing I love more than when all four of us are home and are able to spend some real quality time together...when there's no laundry, cooking, cleaning, or work to catch up on....which is rare :) Kiera just adores him and it warms my heart to see the two of them play and play. When Cate's more mobile, she'll be right in there with them...I'm so excited to see it.

I'm doing a little "cleaning house" of my own head and heart recently as well. I've decided to really focus on my own mind and body instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks about me. There's been so much negativity coming at me recently, but also in the past few years when I should have been ecstatic for so many reasons. The burden of thoughts that people have put on me have been so unhealthy and ridiculous that it's time to detach...forever. Instead, I'm going to put my attention towards my amazing husband, our gorgeous girls, my loving and fantastic Dad, and our family and friends whom I know love us and our family to pieces...no matter what.

So we continue on with a great start to my "year"! I have a wonderful aid in here with me who I don't know if I'll ever be able to live without...we're making an amazing team! I have a great class who are going to spoil me this year!! I have the most well adjusted to any situation girls who are loving the care they're being given! And I'm loving life!

End of Summer...Beginning of Work

I began work last week and the girls have adjusted perfectly to our new routine. They LOVE Jaime and Kiera will ask for her and her son, Luke, when she's not with them! We're so happy and feel so at ease knowing that they're in the best hands during the day when we can't be with them.

This past weekend we headed on down to Lewes, Delaware to see my friend and her family for the weekend. Her mom gave us use of her amazing condo so that we'd have plenty of room to spread out...and God knows, we did!! I cannot express the fun we had there. It was such a nice change of pace to be out of New Jersey with our family and have a mini-vaca with great friends! Our girls are all the same age...so it's THE BEST! Kiera and Mia are 6 weeks apart and Cate and Mikaela are 3 months apart. To see them together was amazing. Kiera and Mia played and played and played. We put Cate and Mikaela in the same pack-n-play at the beach and they were all over each other...it was ADORABLE!! Sean and John are kindred spirits and enjoyed some male bonding over grills, fire pits, tents, boats, and the huge clam bake they set up for us all to eat on Sunday night. We were so sad to leave. I know that I speak for both of us when I say that I'm SO glad the girls have "cousins" to grow up with!

In fact we've been so blessed with all the births this past year for our girls. Cate has so many freaking people to play with she won't know what to do with herself and Kiera gets to be a big sister to so many...it's great. I'm from a very small family with few cousins my age, so this is simply thrilling for me to have people with babies so close in age to our children. Our girls are super lucky!

The Summer is Coming to a Close

The worst thing about the summer is that it has to come to an end sometime.

For us, this summer has certainly been an adventure! It's been THE hottest summer I can ever remember and we had the most beautifully hot child for it. Cate has been everywhere and then some, much more than we ever did with Kiera, but we definitely had to limit our outdoor activities because of the oppressive heat.

I feel so blessed to have had this time with the girls and am looking forward to next summer even more. I go back and forth with feelings of sadness to return to work and feelings of excitement. I love and NEED my job for us to stay afloat and therefore, there must be some feeling of excitement or I'll go crazy. My very wise friend, Molly, said that she thinks it's important for me to stay true to myself and that it's great for the girls to see a strong working mom who does things not only for them, but for herself as well...and I add, to stay sane. As usual, she's right. Besides, being stuck in these four walls all days makes me kind of kooky...and I get stressed that the house isn't clean or that the laundry isn't done. When I'm at work, I don't care. And when we all come home at the end of the day, I still don't care! I just cherish the time we have together in the evenings and look forward to the weekends.

Anyway, onwards. Cate is three months old already and just the sweetest child there is. I'm nervous about her commitment to the bottle in the next few weeks, but I'm sure, just like Kiera, she'll get the hang of it...or starve...we shall see :) She's the happiest, most content, loving child with this soul that I can only hope came from the best parts of my mom up there. When she looks at you it's like she's looking into you. She's amazing. She's just started rolling over and she constantly wants to sit up. When you have her on her back she lifts her neck as far as it can go as if to say, "I'm missing something, I know I am!" We're in trouble there! She's a great sleeper and most nights gives me the whole night...last night was an 8-6 night! Woo Hoo! She has her doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so we don't know how much she currently is, but she seems to be getting longer rather than chubbier...but still has THE best thighs! *Squeeze* I don't know what we ever did without her!!

Kiera is a canon and most of the time I LOVE IT! She definitely has her moments of defiance, but is generally such a sweet, good and fun fun fun two year old! My favorite parts of the day are when she comes up to me and gives me a hug and a kiss and says that she loves me; when she's so sticky sweet to Cate and gives her hugs and kisses...and also says things to her that I say to her which makes me laugh. The things that come out of her mouth in general are hysterical! The other morning she sat on the couch, looked at Sean and I dancing around each other in the kitchen trying to get everything ready for the day and said as serious as can be, "Ummm....waffles?!" Like we were not meeting her needs and she needed them met immediately. Too much.

The sleeping situation with the two of them has proved to be brilliant. If I need to get Cate while Kiera is still sleeping, she may wake up for a moment, but goes right back down. Naps are still sort of tricky because they're not on the same schedule yet...but right now they're both up there snoozing away.

Potty training is going, but not going as fast as I had hoped. All I can say, again, is that I think she's just not ready. She LOVES to go on the potty and gets SO excited when she does...her face lights up like fireworks! But then she could sit in a wet diaper, underwear or puddle all day long and think NOTHING of it. Ick.

Yesterday I began thinking, again, how much my mom would have loved these girls. It's such a shame and puts such a strange damper on things almost daily for me. Having your mom die at such a young age inevitably makes you think of your own mortality and I find myself praying to a God that I don't even think I know since she died and hoping that "he" doesn't take me too early too! Because I could really really really use my mom every day...if not for just a ten minute conversation here and there...*sigh* False hopes. It also makes me think how lucky the girls are right now to not know that there is such sadness out there...they have Mommy and Daddy and they feel safe. If they cry, we're there, if they fall, we pick them up. I would imagine it's a wonderful feeling to have. One that me and many of my friends don't have anymore. I was talking to my friend Lozelle last night and we were chatting about some of these things and she said that she sometimes has to ask, "what is the lesson that I'm supposed to learn from this?!" And she's so right. What is it that the heavens are trying to teach us by taking away someone that we love so deeply and NEED so very much?! I'm NOT a stronger person because of this and my children's Grandma was taken. It sucks. Period.

I just let my thoughts and fingers do the writing my friends...sorry :)

Anyway, my family of four is doing stupendously. I'm so excited to see what the future holds in store. Every time Kiera slams the door in play I wonder what it will be like in 12 years when I'm taking the door off the hinges after she slams it in anger :) I'm so in love with my husband, beautiful girls, and life. We are certainly blessed.

Two Months Old...and Almost 27 Months Old :)

Wow...our McHugh mamas are growing up way too fast!! I'm the saddest person thinking that this will be the last baby that I hold to my chest who fits there...but it most certainly will be :)

Cate is growing with leaps and bounds, cooing, following people and objects, loves to look out at the world and observe, sleeping 100% through the night in her crib in Kiera's room (woo hoo!), and is just the sweetest soul! I can't get enough of staring into her deep blue eyes that go on forever. She's just amazing.

Kiera is full of life and is such a fun little girl. She's definitely going through a "mine" phase and is very good at being demanding, but we can usually turn it around. We've been going on many outings to the library for stories and crafts, playing in the pool and around the yard...but most days these summer we've been stuck in the house because of the overwhelmingly oppressive heat!! We're roasting here in the shade.

**I started this on the 13th and it's taken me this long to get back to it...it's now Monday, July 26**

The biggest change right now has been putting Kiera into her own "big girl bed" and putting Cate in the room with her. It's been such a huge success! I'm thrilled!! I was SO worried and it all came together beautifully. Kiera LOVES her bed and climbs right in at night and at nap time and stays there until I come and get her. She's always been an amazing sleeper, so let's just hope this keeps up. Caitlin has been sleeping in her crib for a little over a week now (I think, the days blend). It's been great so far. There was one day that I had to get her at 4am and Kiera heard me come in, but went right back to sleep after I took Cate out. Phew. The biggest "problem" I have with Caitlin and her sleep has been that she weasels her way into the corners of the bed and wakes herself up. So I have to start her all the way down at the very end of the bed at night and by the morning she's all the way up in the front wedged into the corner...we got breathable bumpers for just that reason for her. It's been working out nicely :) So we're thrilled!

Now onto potty training...an area that I have no idea what I'm doing...there are so many, and this is certainly one of them. She's very interested in the potty and usually goes at least once a day, but to get her to go every time she needs to go has been a challenge! I've read about different techniques, rewards, etc. and nothing seems to be 100% working...except time. I don't think she's fully committed and therefore not fully ready! As great as it would be to have her out of diapers asap, I don't think it's going to happen as fast as I'd like. We have a few problems here: #1...Kiera doesn't mind being wet. She could wear the same wet diaper all damn day...gross. We shall see, shall see, shall see :)

Getting into the Swing of Things :)

Yes, we're getting into the swing of things here in the McHugh house...I'm feeling so happy with the way things are going. Although every day is different and Kiera is learning the art of testing and stalling like a champ, we're doing very well!

Caitlin is an absolute delight and we all just want to eat her alive. If she cries it means something and we can usually figure it out...thank goodness. She's getting bigger and more alert by the day, smiling, cooing, interacting, I can't get enough of it.

Kiera is such a wonder. She's a typical two year old in every way. So cute, fun, and lively and then can be grouchy and defiant...she's a pistol! I can't get enough of how well she's forming sentences and recently asking, "why not, Mommy, why not?" I do a lot of "becauses" these days.

I'm having a slightly sad day, however. This morning I spent time with two of my very very good friends who both lost their moms quite recently and both anniversaries are this month....one tomorrow and one next week as a matter of fact. I had someone who used to be very close to me recently call my mom my "adopted mother" in every sentence they spoke. This hurt me to the core because she was never my "adopted mother", she was my mommy....just like I'm Kiera and Cate's mommy. Do you think they know or care that I carried them around in my person for 9 months? Absolutely not. But do they know that I'm the one who hugs and kisses them every day of their life, who gets them up in the morning and tucks them in at night, the one who kisses away every tear and soothes them back to feeling good when they hurt...that's a mom. And that's what we all miss about our moms...even now that we're in our 3os we all still need our moms to kiss, hug, take our tears away, and reassure us that it's all going to be ok. I'm eternally grateful that we have this friendship with empathy that only people who've lost their moms young would ever understand. We all wish that our moms were here for our children (and us) every single day...

I love being the mom of girls and I worry every day about having to leave them...it's irrational, but when you've lost your mom at 17, these are the thoughts you have. I always want them to feel and be safe. They are my heart, my soul, and the deepest parts of my being. I hope that they always know how very much I love them...just like my mom loved me each and every day of her short life...