Christmas Time is Here...

(to the tune of "Charlie Brown's Christmas)...

In a completely selfish manner, Sean and I took Kiera up to see Uncle Jason this past Saturday and into New York City to see the tree. Kiera was all sniffles and we contemplated not going due to her mood and runny nose, but I guiltily put her in the car and off we went.

It was so lovely!! When we finally got to the actual tree...the city was PACKED...I actually got a tear in my eye. The last time I was at the tree my mom was with me. We used to go to the city every holiday season with my Aunt and cousin to see a play and have lunch. Some years we'd go see the tree.

She won't remember a thing of going to see the tree, but I will. I'll remember how chilly the night air was. How cute she was all bundled up in her fleece outfit, boots, and big winter coat. I'll remember her eyes light up when she looked at all the lights on the gigantic tree, especially when they began to blink.

When I thought back on our night Sunday morning I began to cry at the breakfast table. Being there with Sean, Kiera and Jason made me so happy because it shouted, "FAMILY" to me...I so very much want Kiera to be surrounded by FAMILY. It, of course, made me crave my mother's company so badly that it physically hurt. I don't know that anyone (other than my girls...or others who have lost their mothers) can fully understand this feeling of physical pain when you think of someone. When you know with everything in you that they should still be here and yet they're not. When you know that they'd appreciate and love every minute of these special times together but they're not here to.

It's just so overwhelmingly bitter sweet...this whole holiday season. I'm having a tough tough time with it because I'm SO happy and then SO sad. It's annoying :)

But again, I'll just have to feel good in knowing that I have one more angel on my side. An angel who has sent me SO many wonderful gifts, especially this year!!

The gift of Kiera
The gift of someone who I love to watch over her
The gift of best friends
The gift of health
The gift of happiness
The gift of family

Thanks Mommy.

Melissa

Thoughtful Thursday

Thankful

by
Josh Groban

Somedays we forget

To look around us

Somedays we can't see

The joy that surrounds us

So caught up inside ourselves

We take when we should give

So for tonight we pray for

What we know can be

And on this day we hope for

What we still can't see

It's up to us to be the change

And even though we all can still do more

There's so much to be thankful for

Look beyond ourselves

There's so much sorrow

It's way too late to sayI'll cry tomorrow

Each of us must find our truth

It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for

What we know can be

And every day we hope for

What we still can't see

It's up to us to be the change

And even though we all can still do more

There's so much to be thankful for

Even with our differences

There is a place we're all connected

Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for

What we know can be

And on this day we hope for

What we still can't see

It's up to us to be the change

And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

Melissa

December??

I cannot even wrap my brain around the fact that it's December! Where does the time go?? As the other girls have mentioned, Thanksgiving has come and gone with bitter sweet moments. We went to Connecticut for Thanksgiving and seeing my father with Kiera melts my heart every time! I cannot get enough of how overwhelmed he is by her! He gets this giddiness that I don't know he had when I was a baby...but I think being a grandparent is much different than being a parent sometimes. I think my mom is rolling over in her grave seeing how far my father and I have come...since she said to my friend's mom before she died, "please keep an eye on Melissa and Tony, they're going to kill each other!" :) He says all these funny things to her, bounces her around and looks like he's going to eat her alive, it's adorable. His whole attitude has changed since she was born and we're loving every minute of it!

It's terribly enjoyable being with my Dad and Camille on Thanksgiving, but I also miss going to my Uncle Bob and Aunt Noel's in Massachusetts every year. We used to have THE best time! There were a whole bunch of us there, so many laughs, and the annual Trivial Pursuit game. My cousins would sneak us drinks and we'd eat way too much! When I was really little I used to be able to sleep over with my cousin Meg while my parents stayed in a hotel...I loved that! She's five years older, which at the time felt like an eternity...and she used to take me to see movies like "Aladdin" and "Beauty and the Beast" at night. I miss having a "big" family...big for me anyway :) I'm so excited for the years to come, the holidays to celebrate...to give my Dad, Camille, Donna and Tom another Grandchild...and to have fun with our "big" family.

Melissa

The Holidays...

The holidays are approaching and with them brings a whole new set of feelings and insanity :)

I am overwhelmingly excited for Kiera's First Thanksgiving and Christmas...I'm excited for new traditions to begin (even though she won't remember them this year), waking up with her on Christmas morning (the two we will have) and seeing her rip through wrapping paper (but not really understanding what it is that she's doing).

However, with the holidays brings sadness about what my mom is missing...especially this year. I know that she would LOVE nothing more than to be here with us and see all the firsts that Kiera is experiencing.

Sometimes when I'm sad about my mom I think, "Why are you still sad?? You're someones mom now" but it doesn't work. I feel like I'm redundant when I think about her and write about her and speak about her...how many ways can you say that you're sad and that you miss someone before people start to not care...and believe you me, people start to not care. Some of my friends who have lost their moms recently, like within the past fives years, have said that people have started to forget because their lives can go on...and I say, "wait until you're at 12 years and counting!"

I just honestly would have LOVED to have seen her with my kids. There's this love that I see gushing out of my Dad and Sean's Mom that I can't even explain and for my Mom, that would have been her #1 happiest moment to see Kiera grow and experience life like they're able to do.

Anyway, enough mumbling for today...Things that I'm Thankful for this year...
I'm thankful for my beautiful and healthy new family of three (or 7 including our many four legged friends)
I'm thankful for our home
I'm thankful for the couple of dollars we have that get us by on a daily basis
I'm thankful for having a job and getting paid for doing something that I love
I'm thankful for my gorgeous, caring, and overly supportive friends
I'm thankful for Nicole, Nanny and the Hices for taking such amazing care of our peanut when I can't be with her
Finally...I'm thankful that gas prices are down to $1.83 so I can get back and forth to work without crying on a daily basis!!

Melissa

Oh My Teether...

Today was a touch and go day with little Miss K...not portrayed in the picture to the left however :) That second tooth is definitely trying to come through, but is torturing her in the meantime. She was happy one minute and crying hysterically the next. I exhausted EVERY teething method I had in the house...including some I invented myself...such as chewing on leaves, which you can see in the picture below :) She's always SO happy that when she's upset she gives it all she's got. Also, she only napped for 45 minutes today. Apparently she felt like that was enough...not quite for mom however.

I was thinking today while rocking her next to my mom's picture in her room, about how and when to tell her that my mom died when I was only 17. She'll obviously know that she's not here and whatnot, but when do you tell a child that their mom can die when they're young?? I never tell my kids at school that my mom died because I never want them to be scared that their mom could potentially pass away...so how do I save that thought from my own daughter? I guess it's something that I'll have to take as it comes...as well as see what kind of child she is, a scaredy cat like me, or a go with the flow gal.

Anyway, we did have a few minutes of peace today when I took her outside and took 800 pictures of her with the leaves...I must have said, "not in your mouth" about a million times. She didn't quite get it. Oh well :)

Melissa

11:25pm

John McCain is giving his speech to concede to OBAMA as I write!! No matter what your political views may be, this is a historic election that I am privileged to be a part of! I am so thrilled...that I stayed awake until 11 for the polls in the west to close...and of course that OBAMA is our next President!

Just another word from the day after...I got an email from one of my best friends, Jess, who also had a baby this year and she said, "THANK THE LORD Obama won! I am seriously so relieved and so happy and so thankful that Mia & Kiera's next four years in this country will be with a competent, intelligent, inspirational leader at the helm." And I really think that sums it all up for me! Thanks Jess!! :)

Melissa

FIRST TOOTH

Kiera got her FIRST TOOTH TODAY!! What an exciting milestone.

I called Nicole, as I usually do, at prep time and she said to me, "You know she has a tooth that came through, right?" I jumped out of my chair with tears of excitement and said to her, "You know, if you weren't one of my best friends and just some daycare provider or babysitter I would be balled up on the floor in agony right now!"

I knew there would be things that Nicole would get to witness first...and I wondered how I would handle it...and I think I did pretty damn well :)

SOOO Kiera has a tooth! YEA!! She's also sitting up, she said "Ma" the other day...and is getting a ton of hair! This has to be the happiest I've ever been in my almost 31 years of living! On Sunday she and I napped together in bed and I wondered if my mom ever laid down with me. I just can't imagine her taking that much time out of her day to relax...she was ALWAYS on the go. I guess I'll never know.

Kiera and I also went to vote this morning at 6:30am...OBAMA MAMA! Crossing Fingers!! The old ladies at the polling place wanted to eat her alive...I love that! "Oh sweetie, you can't vote, you're too young!" I wish I were younger and could stay up to watch the whole thing unfold, but unfortunately I'll probably fall asleep within the hour...I should set an alarm for 12am to check in!

Melissa