"I am tired" would be an understatement. I am sore, sore, sore too! I never felt like this with Kiera, so it's a whole new world right now. My inner thighs feel like I've been at the gym for days on end! I can't maneuver or play with Kiera properly and that's all she wants :( Honestly, walking during this pregnancy is a serious issue in itself....the doctor's words to me, "Second Pregnancy" and I correct with..."Last Pregnancy!!!! Thank you."
I'm having a Tough Mommy day on two angles...Being Kiera's Mommy and not being able to be the happy energetic mommy she needs right now and Missing My Mommy. It's not easy knowing so many people who, at the DROP of a HAT can call their mothers and they'll be right over to help. I don't have that luxury at all. It's frustrating and overwhelming. Everyone we know has family and friends surrounding them and we have no one...and those we do have infants themselves so it's not easy on them either nor do we want to burden anyone with a request of, "can you please dear god in heaven come here and help us for an hour so that I can clean a bathroom or do laundry or fill the dishwasher or vacuum....or breathe!!!!"
When I was adopted my mom didn't work full-time and had her mom to help. And in the immortal words of my Rebecca, "Melis, you know that if your mom were alive she'd be at that house all the time to help you!" What a wonderful fantasy to have.
I'm definitely having one of those days...they are few and far between most of the time, but lately they've been right up close. We have SO much stress going on in our lives and I feel LOST. Between Sean's job situation, my job situation (thank you Governor Christie for everything), the pregnancy, the weather and flooding basement, the messiest house that I can't keep up with and Kiera being the rambunctious 2 year old that she's supposed to be, I just feel like I can't do it anymore.
I am under NO assumption that this will get easier when Caitlin arrives, but at least I can get up from a sitting position faster, run after Kiera if needed, not feel like I'm ready to fall apart at the seams from all the aches and pains that are running through the lower part of my body...I'll just be tired...exhausted...and that will be good.
Plus, we have three of the most demanding animals on the planet! The dogs are a nightmare and always always always under my feet making me trip over them. Sera is in a really bad place with the loss of Leia and sits on the stairs crying all the time now...she NEVER did that before...she needs more attention than I can give her. If and when I get down in the flooded basement where she hides because she hates the dogs (and Kiera for that matter), I am dashing to get laundry into the washer or out of the dryer before Kiera falls and breaks herself or something upstairs because God knows I can't bring her down there. Mental note to self: Next house...Ranch with two bedrooms, one bathroom and laundry next to the kitchen. Period.
Therefore, "I'm overwhelmed" would also be an understatement. My sister was down for a couple of days with her 3 month old and two 9 year olds and even THAT made me feel less overwhelmed and tired. I just can't get it all together. When Sean is home he's a HUGE help! When he's not, I feel like digging a hole and getting into it.
This post is so unlike me recently...other than the Leia episode...I'm usually upbeat and optimistic, but not today. Not today. Why on Earth my mom isn't here to help me through this is beyond me...why she won't be here for her Granddaughter's Easter tomorrow is beyond me (she would have given up everything to be here!)...Every now and again I must regress into a child myself and have some "Why Me?!" moments and today is definitely full of them! *sigh*
But, right now, Kiera and I are going to go outside and run about the yard in the sun and see if Mommy can brighten up this Bad Mommy Day. Off we go...
